You guys, ever since my book came out last year, I've been so eager to write about where I got this part wrong! I've been doing lots of reading, thinking, and talking about root causes of illness, and I can't wait to share what I've uncovered with you! This is gonna be a long one. So, pour a cuppa and settle in -- this is life-changing stuff!
Why me?
When I got diagnosed with breast cancer nearly 10 years ago, I was like, "Why bother asking 'Why me?'" I just didn't want to see myself as immune to getting sick. Sure, I always tried to stay healthy by working out and eating right. I never missed my check-ups and steered clear of the usual health hazards like booze and cigarettes. But hey, that doesn't mean I'm untouchable by illness. I didn't want people to think I believed I was some kind of special case or that this sickness should hit someone else and not me. Also, I didn't want to get stuck in a pity party mode like, "Why me??? It's so unfair!" I knew that wouldn't get me anywhere. And I still believe all of that to be true. But there's more to it than just that.
I'm learning that exploring "why me" can actually be incredibly powerful in promoting healing and preventing future disease. But--and here's the key--we gotta be careful about where we place the emphasis. It's all about focusing on the "why" with curiosity and positivity. Let me break it down.
When I first saw Sally (my amazing psychotherapist) right after I found out about my diagnosis, she asked "So why do you think cancer showed up in your life?" I was totally blank. I probably looked like a deer in the headlights. I think I awkwardly mumbled something like, "Uh...cancer cells?"
Well, yea--cancer cells, obviously. But what she was getting at was digging deeper. Like why this happened, why now, why the breast, why the left breast specifically. She was saying that every illness has some emotional or psychological root cause. And I was like, "Yea, sure, I suppose." Looking back, I guess I totally didn't buy into it. Or maybe more accurately, I didn't quite grasp the whole truth of what she was saying.
It's kinda strange that I didn't see that truth before. I already knew that the mind and body are connected. I understood that psychosomatic symptoms are just as real as the placebo effect. But believing that something in my emotional state could actually create the perfect conditions for cancer to flourish felt a bit off. It's like I was maybe giving my mind too much credit for keeping illness away.
But when I think back to my 18 months of treatment and subsequent years of recovery, I was always curious to dig deeper into the side effects. Just popping another pill to mask the symptoms didn't cut it for me. I explored different therapies like alternative, complementary, and integrative approaches to address the root of the reactions I was experiencing. So, if understanding the causes of symptoms mattered, why not look into the root causes of the disease itself? Bingo!
I used to see my root causes as split into two groups: physical and mental. But really, there's no distinction. The brain is just as much a part of the body as my liver or heart. And how each organ functions is linked to its overall health. So, instead of dividing my underlying problems into separate areas, I'm gonna talk about them based on who helped me figure them out: either Butch or Sally. (If you haven't read my book, Butch is the integrative medicine specialist and M.D. who cared for me throughout my course of treatment till this very day. If you don't have a Butch, get a Butch. You'll see why once you've read my book.)
Getting to the root with Sally
A minute ago, I touched on the "why" part with Sally, so I'll pick up there. Last year, she suggested a book to me called "When the Body Says No: `Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection" by Gabor Mate. I finally got around to reading it this summer and totally got into it. I'm no medical expert so I'll simplify Dr. Mate's profound and elegant message to this: stress and disease go hand in hand. He shares stories of many patients who were facing serious illnesses towards the end of their lives. Dr. Mate, who cared for these patients in palliative/hospice settings, listened to their stories as they looked back on their lives. And guess what? He noticed a common thread: every single patient had bottled up their emotions throughout their lives. Whether it was pursuing a career to please others, being stuck in unhappy marriages, or trying to meet unrealistic parental expectations, all of them had suppressed their feelings and ended up doing things to keep others happy or at least not upset them.
The beach ball effect
There are sophisticated medical explanations for how repressing our emotions actually damages our immune systems, but let's be real, I'm not even gonna try to get into all that. Dr. Mate totally nails it, though, so do yourself a favor and give it a read.
Here's how I like to think of it - when we try to bury our emotions, they're bound to resurface at some point, no doubt about it. Picture this: imagine a beach ball, fully pumped up, as a symbol of our feelings. We can try to push it down underwater and keep it there for a bit, but all it takes is one little slip or a splash, and up it goes, surprising everyone. Ring a bell? Ever witnessed someone totally lose it out of the blue? Chances are, they were triggered, and boom, all those pent-up emotions came spewing out. And that's not even the worst part -- all that built-up stress over the years is the perfect catalyst for disease progression.
Basically, we all have cancer cells hanging around in our bodies all the time. Normally, our immune systems are pretty good at sniffing them out and taking care of business. But when we're stressed, our immune systems get a bit lazy or start acting wonky. That's when the trouble starts. It's not always cancer cells, though -- it could be a virus, some bacteria, or even an autoimmune disorder. So it's pretty important to deal with our emotions instead of pushing them aside.
Dr. Mate was talking about this one study that totally blew my mind. Basically, they looked at a bunch of guys in their 60s who had been smoking for seemingly forever, some of them for a whopping 45 years. And you know what? A certain number of these guys (not exactly sure how many) ended up getting lung cancer. The crazy part is that the ones who did get cancer all had one thing in common: emotional repression. Yep, you heard it right. It's not like smoking isn't bad for you - it totally is. It can lead to serious health issues like COPD or emphysema. But what really stood out was that the key factor for cancer development was all those bottled-up feelings.
Dr. Mate really wants to make it clear that he's not saying it's our fault if we get sick, but he believes we can actually take charge of our health by handling our emotions in a healthier manner. How awesome is that!
For about 10 years, I've been diving deep into my not-so-great feelings to figure out what's going on and how to deal with them. Some people might say it's easier to just ignore them, but trust me, I've tried that and it doesn't work. I've come to realize that holding onto old feelings can really mess with my present emotions, thoughts, actions -- and even my health! So, for the sake of my well-being, I'm getting to the bottom of it all and looking for a fresh perspective. Stay tuned -- I'll be sharing more about this in an upcoming post.
Taking a look at function
A few years after treatment, I was having some menopause symptoms that were making me uncomfortable on a daily basis, so I went to a functional medicine specialist to see what was up and how I could manage them. She ran a bunch of blood and urine tests to look at my body's functioning -- from food sensitivities to hormone levels and more. It was pretty enlightening, to be honest.
First thing I found out was that my body doesn't methylate very well - or at least not up to par. (I mean, who even knew it was supposed to do that, right?) So, naturally, I went and got the lowdown on what the heck methylation is all about.
I found a great website that put it like this: Methylation influences just about every essential process in the body. It's needed for the production of amino acids, neurotransmitters, hormones, red blood cells, DNA, RNA, and antioxidants; for proper detoxification of hormones and toxins; and for determining whether certain genes will be expressed or not (the power of epigenetics). It's a big deal.
Check out this website if you need some trustworthy, in-depth information. If not, here's the scoop on some important outcomes of not-so-great methylation:
Low mood, anxiety, insomnia and other neurological functions
Decreased ability to excrete toxins
High homocysteine levels which can have a negative effect on vascular systems that can affect the heart and brain.
A simple way to check if your body is methylating ideally is by getting a homocysteine blood test. Methylation plays a key role in processing and reusing homocysteine, so high levels of homocysteine might mean your methylation isn't at its best.
Right off the bat, my doctor hooked me up with a bunch of supplements that, when taken together, could keep my bones, heart, liver, nervous system, and everything else in good shape.
She said no to hormone therapy for me, so now I'm just focusing on taking supplements, using creams, staying active, doing yoga, eating well, and keeping my emotions in check.
I also found out that dairy, eggs, gluten, almonds, and peanuts don't agree with me. I already suspected gluten wasn't my friend, so I had cut it out a while ago. Dairy and eggs weren't a big deal either since my son has severe allergies to them, so I rarely cooked with them. I just had them when dining out once in a while. Now I've decided to ditch them for good. I wasn't munching on almonds much, but I did drink almond milk, so I switched to oat and coconut milk instead. And peanuts? Well, I never really loved them, so I'm not too upset about avoiding them now.
Re-enter Butch
Fast forward a few years to connecting with Butch again -- who by this time had semi-retired and moved to another state. He still works with a few patients bouncing back from cancer, and is boosting my health and wellness game even more.
It had been ages since I last saw the functional medicine specialist, so Butch suggested I get some blood and urine tests done. Turns out, this time we discovered I had a ton of mold in my system, probably because my body isn't great at getting rid of it. We checked for 5 types of mycotoxins, and all of them were way above the normal levels - one was a jaw-dropping 11 times higher!
Butch started me on a mold protocol that lasted about 10 months. The basic premise was to flush toxins out of my liver and other tissues, then have them picked up out of the blood stream by a powerful binder (charcoal and bentonite clay) to flush them out of my system. The protocol wasn't hard to follow, it was just so easy to forget. There were multiple steps with at least 6 different agents to take every day, spaced out at ideal intervals, with or without food, you name it. After a kind of imperfect 10-month effort, I'm now mold free! Looking back, I probably did better than I thought. I was pretty stressed about the mold situation and just wanted it out of my system. I guess I was a bit hard on myself about it.
A major plus for me is that I live in a dry climate now. It's great because there's hardly any chance of mold here in the mountains, especially in this house.
Now that the mold is out of the picture, Butch is checking for any high levels of toxicants in my body. Turns out, I've got a lot of arsenic (probably from ground water) and glyphosate herbicide (the shit they put in Round Up. Seriously, ditch that stuff.)
I'm still following the mold protocol, and we've added in 3 supplements that go after the toxicants directly. The plan is to stick to this for a while then retest. Some of the supplements I will need to take for my whole life. Some are to be taken for a limited amount of time.
Life is Good
I'm feeling a lot better now that I'm figuring out some causes of my illness. I might not have found all the reasons yet, but I think I'm heading in the right direction. Maybe you could take a closer look at your own situation too!
I'm not telling you to go running to check your mold levels or figure out if your body methylates. That just doesn't make sense. What's causing my issues won't necessarily be the same for you. We're all unique individuals with our own ways of dealing with things, healing, and expressing ourselves.
That's why I believe traditional medicine doesn't dig deep enough into the root causes. They're too broad, too diverse, too subtle. Instead, they hand out pills, suggest surgeries, blast us with strong treatments, and hope for the best. They prefer not to explore trauma, stress, generational issues, neglect, feelings of not belonging, and more. They think we should see a therapist for that, as if it's not connected to our physical well-being at all. I feel like we used to understand this stuff thousands of years ago better than we do today. It really ticks me off when I ponder this stuff, you know?
If you're super keen on boosting your health, there are loads of ways to go about it:
Consider talking with a great psychotherapist.
Think about visiting a functional medicine specialist to see what might be lurking inside you.
Do some research on your own based on what your gut is telling you.
Look at your family history for some clues to your potential issues.
Find a primary care doctor who isn't afraid to go on a health improvement quest with you.
As always thanks for reading! Peace and all good to you!
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